I Can See Clearly Now…part 2

 

wetnoodleThe pain is searing in my chest.  My heart to be exact.   Within one incident I gain bad and good insight about my job.  Immediately I want to beg forgiveness.  Beat myself with a wet noodle.  After a few hours my sadness turns to anger.

I will QUIT.   I’ll show her.  She’ll be sorry.  She will beg me to come back.  This part lasts longer than the sadness part.  I’m mad, but I don’t know what to do with the anger.

As the day goes on I do my job even though I feel like a truck ran over me.  I put all of my energy into taking care of my patients.  Although a nasty little paranoid thought enters my brain.  Perhaps this could be a plan to make me quit.  To get rid of me.   I tell myself to not get crazy.  I slap myself silly.slap

 No.  I’m a per diem RN.  Another per diem can be hired at any time.  The trick is to find someone that wants to be a per diem nurse and work without any promises, be skilled in all the same areas and be available at the drop of a hat. Nah….there has to be lots of us floating around.  NOT!  Don’t get me wrong I know I’m replaceable.  In fact I think everyone is replaceable in the job arena.  What really happened?

Maybe I did do something wrong?  Was it fair?  Life isn’t fair all the time.   It is not the first time someone has been mean to me nor will it be the last.  Lots of people act like they have “a hair across their ass”.     I don’t know.  I’m not a shrink.  All of this analytical poo makes me tired.  YAWN.   I’m bored to tears making excuses for people.  WHO CARES?

Enlightenment.  It takes longer to get to this point.  I’m doing the best I can.  I’m good at my job.    My empathy and care shows through in spite of my still puffy eyes.  Quitting probably isn’t the answer.  However it’s not out of the realm of possibilities.   After all who needs s**t like this?

ACCEPTANCE.  Life is short.  Precious.  I’m done with poopy doopy people.  Do I care if I get approval from someone that is not able to be pleased?  Or someone who does not remember the good ? NOT!!!!  I will hear them.  I will listen.  I’ll pick out what’s important and let the rest roll off my back.

wateroffduck

 

“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
see-clear1
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About florencewannabe

I'm a registered nurse trying to work 1000 hours in 2014 to earn my pension. Currently, May 28,2014, I'm 455.5 hours into my goal. I have until Dec. 31, 2014 to get 544.5 hours of work. The catch is that I work per Diem and I don't have any guaranteed time.
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